I’ve discovered so many misbegotten signs on my treks through New York City that I’m considering establishing an award – the Signies – for the most unintelligible examples of the genre. This week’s crop of candidates appears below.
If the goal of writing is communication, these sign-writers missed the memo. I misunderstood each of these gems, though after careful consideration, I figured out most of them. But not this one, which made me thankful for my status as a non-car owner:
Where?
The angle of the photo may make it difficult to see that the exit only sign covers both lanes, with contradictory arrows inviting drivers to enter while they exit only the underground garage. And then there’s deliver. Not a bad word, but it brings to mind packages, childbirth, and take-out meals. Not cars, unless they’re new and headed to a dealer.
This sign makes sense, sort of, or maybe I’ve just gotten used to silliness:
Under?
True, Manhattan is home to many old structures in which transoms (tilting partitions) still sit atop doors. In fact, “over the transom” used to be a term for the unsolicited manuscripts that publishers receive, which presumably were chucked like basketball free-throws in hopes of scoring points with the readers inside. But this front door has no transom, mail slot, or any other opening. So what did the sign-writer think the mail carrier was going to do? Slide the mail through the door? Get a ladder and push the mail over the door? And would that last tactic be a problem, given that gravity would send the letters to the same spot – the floor – that they would reach with a slide under?
One more, which I admit is probably a typo but which is too much fun to omit:
Too bad you missed the grand opened-ing.
Do I have to spell out the unintended meanings here? Maybe the store was opened for business, but now it’s not. You missed your chance! Or, the store was opened (established) over a period of five days, presumably celebrated with free gifts, special prices, and attendance by the proud opened-er’s family and friends. You missed that too.
Stay tuned for more Signies candidates. Maybe we can voted, in person, after delivering the car down the ramp and not under the door.