I’ve noted before in this blog the gradual disappearance of “you’re welcome” as a response to an expression of thanks. (See “No Problem? Problem!” http://www.grammarianinthecity.com/?p=305 ) Lately, because someone I love is ill, I’ve been spending a lot of time in hospital rooms. As dedicated caregivers tend to him — and they are dedicated — I often find myself thanking them. Nearly every one of them replies, “Of course.”
At first I was puzzled by this phrase, but the alternatives don’t really fit. “You’re welcome” — to what? The world of serious illness? No one is welcome there. “No problem.” That’s an obvious nonstarter; everyone in the hospital has plenty of problems. “No worries.” Ditto.
Gradually I’ve come to accept and even like medical substitution of “of course” for “you’re welcome.” Because what are these people really saying? Of course I will help you with that medicine, give you a clean gown, untangle that tube, whatever. Of course I will answer all your questions. Of course I will speak to the doctor, insurance company, nurse, technician . . . whomever. And when you’re ill, of course you need these things and much more.
Which brings me to the real point. What happens to people who don’t have this attention but need it? I’ve been so immersed in what’s going on in my personal world that I’ve hardly noticed what’s happening in the nation and the world, but I can’t help wondering about those for whom “of course” isn’t the reply they hope or need to hear. I don’t feel bad that my own family receives the best attention and care. I do feel bad that others don’t. And that brings me to this conclusion: Should we do our best for all people who are in tough circumstances? Of course. Whether they say thanks or not.
Thanks for this post, Gerri. It’s so timely and so true. “Of course” I hope for the best outcome in your situation, that your loved one will get better and that you yourself will have peace. Take care. I’m thinking of you.
Thanks, Ellie! I appreciate your kind wishes.
I usually say “your welcome” but have never felt comfortable with this term because it felt too stiff and formal. Yet “no problem” seemed too flippant. I never thought of “of course” before. It’s a perfect fit and will use it from now on. BTW, did you catch the lovely tribute to Robert Moses in this week’s New Yorker “Talk of the Town,” by Jeffrey Toobin? I suppose he preceded you at HM by several years, but he taught during my time. Although I never had him for a class and doubt if we ever even spoke, he carried himself with a quiet dignity that foreshadowed the remarkable life that he went on to live.
Hi, Bill. I didn’t see the New Yorker piece, but I will look for it. It’s my husband who’s ill with cancer. Scary, but he’s got great doctors and, they say, a good shot at a complete cure. But it will be a tough winter.
Did you notice during today’s press conference, when, in reply to someone who thanked him for calling the White House doctor for a person who became ill, Obama said, “Of course”? I hope your friend has a speedy recovery.
Dear Gerri,
Thank you!
I always appreciate people who say thank you. My answer is different depending what the are thanking me for.
Thank you for being a wonderful and caring friend
Thank you, as well, for being such a good friend.
Gerri, your post resonated with me; I work in healthcare and am the parent of two cancer survivors, both diagnosed during December. Thankfully not the same December!
I’m sending healing thoughts to your husband, and to you too. It is never easy living with a serious illness during the holidays. Keep hope alive and live in the moment. It’s such a cliche, but it works. If we worry too much about the unknowable future, we miss the things that are happening right now, and some of those things might be beautiful.
I’m now going to respond to my patients with “of course” when they thank me. It is kinder than “no problem.”
Wishing you peace.
Thanks so much for your kind words, and also for your wisdom. We are indeed taking this moment by moment. Thanks also for the good care you offer to your patients.