Signs referring to nonhuman animals have occupied my mind this week, setting me on a hamster wheel of confusing possibilities. Clarity, O Clarity, where art thou? Not here:

A few questions: How does one decide whether a Chicken is Smart? Is managing to stay whole enough? Or does a Chicken have to prove its intelligence by refusing to eat artificial ingredients, thereby achieving organic status?

More confusion:

How many PETS actually spend time COOKING BICYCLES? Have those Smart Chickens created a recipe for roasted or braised handlebars? Do they use organic ingredients?

This sign prompts another question:

Can a dog read well enough to follow instructions explaining how to wash itself? Somehow I thought instinct alone would be sufficient.

Last but not least:

This sign seems a bit sexist. I mean, where are male deer supposed to park? And how exactly does the tow-truck driver decide whether VEHICLES belong to a DOE or a stag? Antler gashes on the dashboard? Perhaps the Department of Education will explain the identification process.

I’ll end this post with one clear message and one shameless plug. Message: Be kind to animals, human or not. Plug: If clarity is your goal, check out my online course, “How to Explain Anything,” which will take place on August 19th from 1:00 — 4:00 EDT (10:00 — 1:00 PDT). Enroll at www.hugohouse.org.