The title of this post is a question because, well, these menu items are questionable. First up is a sign my granddaughter spotted. Check out the second-to-last line in the first column:

For the record, the topping we chose for our pizza was Cheese, not Grandma. We prefer not to eat relatives.

Nor did I order the last beverage on this menu:

I can put up with lousy tea if I’m really thirsty, but I draw the line at one louse. No LICED TEA for me!

If a judge grants me immunity from prosecution, I’ll eat this sandwich:

Side point: What does RELISH or an ONION have to do to be CRIMINALIZED? And where are offenders incarcerated? In a secure pantry?

I hope there’s no immunity for anyone who prepares or buys this sandwich:

The most benign interpretation of this label is that the Beagle acts as a serving platter, trotting to your table with neatly arrayed strips of meat on its fur. Surely the Health Department would object? A shudder-inducing possibility is that the Beagle is a component of the meal. In that case, send in a squad of Animal Welfare Officers, stat! Then let the rescued dogs frolic here:

Even if they weigh less than 25 lbs, dogs deserve some fun. So do you, and I hope you had some reading this post.