As the world crumbles — for indeed, that seems to be the only appropriate description of current events — I hope you’ll enjoy distracting yourself for a few moments with these signs. The first arrived courtesy of my friend Ellie:

A few questions: what happens to boys with long hair? Do people with short hair roam free? Who’s being thanked, and for what?

Moving on to facial hair:

BESPOKE, according to the dictionary, means “made for a particular customer.” Thus BESPOKE is the opposite of mass-produced. I admit I don’t know much about makeup, but isn’t BROW work inherently individual (i.e. BESPOKE)? Is there a production line somewhere fabricating BROWS?

Staying on the face:

I waited more than a year to take this photo without scaffolding blocking the sign, but the way things are going, the construction project will probably last longer than the shop. My question: do amateurs rent stores for EYELASH EXTENSION? Is there an accrediting body to attain PROFESSIONAL status?

Last one, spotted during a trip to London in simpler times:

How does one EDIT HAIR? By deleting an unnecessary strand? Inserting a barrette? Rewording the hair’s thesis statement?

My objections to these signs are petty, the very definition of “splitting hairs.” Nevertheless, if you come up with answers to any of the questions I’ve posed — or to any of the problems plaguing the world — please feel free to post a comment.