Tag Archives: punctuation

How’s that again?

As a New Yorker, I’m used to oddities. I once waited for the green light on a midtown corner. It was raining hard. A fully-clothed woman standing next to me was calmly lathering shampoo into her hair. No one even blinked – including me. But these signs gave me pause.

First up is this one, which I saw on the window of a toy store:

A sidewalk inside?

A sidewalk inside?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m not sure what bothered me more: the location of the sidewalk or the idea of a private store selling a public sidewalk. Maybe it was the price. Ten bucks for a sidewalk is a real bargain.

And then there’s this notice from the same shop:

Does the stock get dental benefits?

Does the stock get dental benefits?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, I know that they mean “We are hiring people to work in sales or in the stockroom,” but I’m a grammarian, so I’m picky. It comes with the territory.

One more, from a pharmacy:

How about your "ill being"?

How about your “ill being”?

 

To talk about one’s happiness and health, you need the term well-being (with a hyphen) or wellbeing (one word). When you separate the two, the word well describes being. Presumably the pharmacy isn’t interested only in those whose being is happy and healthy. I’d like to think that they are also committed to people who aren’t feeling well.

That’s enough pickiness for one day. Be well!

Can’t we all just calm down?

In the spirit of “colossal olives,” which is marketing-speak for “large,” I’m seeing language moving up on the intensity meter. Nothing seems to be “good” anymore. Good is the new so-so, and fair is foul these days, as it was in Macbeth. I give my order to a waiter, who replies, “Awesome!” Somehow, the tuna-on-rye, though tasty, does not move me to awe. A simple “good choice” works just fine.

I was thinking about this intensification trend when I saw these signs. Here’s one demonstrating way too much enthusiasm:

Special isn't enough. They're going for "special!!!"

Special isn’t enough. They’re going for “special!!!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If the masseuse feels that much passion, I doubt I want the service offered. The masseuse may be, well, a practitioner in another business entirely. On the other hand, the sign writer, not the masseuse, may be the overly enthusiastic one. After all, Massage Special!!! was on the same street as this awning:

Note the name of this deli.

Note the name of this deli.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I wonder who owns this deli? The artist once “formerly” and then again known as Prince? I also wonder how  employees answer the phone. “Hello, this is !!!!!”? How exactly do you pronounce five exclamation points?

Or six?

exclamation points

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Time to calm, down, people. Or perhaps I should say, in the spirit of the age, “Time to calm down, people!!!!!!!”

Unwinding 5000 Games

In the “what on earth does that mean?” category, here is the latest batch of signs  to stop me in my tracks. Once more I admit (maybe submit?) to the title “Grumpy Grammarian,” but really, what are these people trying to say?

First up is a poster in the window of a small copy shop in midtown:

Window tint print here?

Window tint print here?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After three or four visits to this block (no, I’m not that obsessive about signs, but one of my favorite bars is nearby), I finally decided that window tint print is the sort of film that sits on a window and lets some light through — enough light so that whoever buys it can claim that it doesn’t detract from the experience of, for example, a tourist peering through a shrink-wrapped  bus.  I guess imagination applies to the message on the window tint, and protection is the window tint itself. And what’s with the new? Was the old window tint inferior? Nonexistent? Feel free to come up with your own interpretation. Stop by the shop to see whether you’ve guessed correctly. (Then hit the bar across the street. It serves good beer.)

Next up is this neon sign, glowing prettily and selling — well, I don’t know what this store is selling. Does anyone know what “computer color graphic out put” is?

Out. Put.

Out. Put.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you’re going to invest in neon signage, it might be a good idea to check your message. What are you putting and where, exactly, is out? Maybe they mean that you upload a color image (a graphic) and then it’s printed? Or beamed directly to the intended viewers’ eyeballs? (Targeted marketing, you know, is trending.)

The next sign has the advantage of being crystal clear, if somewhat unwelcoming. Not for New Yorkers those syrupy signs saying “I heart you” or “NYC hearts all those annoying tourists who bump into us natives on the sidewalk or hesitate two nanoseconds on the coffee shop line.” This one displays New York snark, my favorite tone:

 

New York does not  "heart" you.

New York does not
“heart” you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One last sign. I don’t mind being commanded to play. I’m totally fine with the order to dine. But how do you unwind games? And not to be picky (okay, to be super-picky), the sign should read “more than” 5000 games, not “over.” (More than or fewer than is the expression you want for things you can count. Over and under work for quantities you measure.)

unwind

 

 

I’m “minutes away” from giving up on properly written signs. Join me there whenever you like.

Dash to —

In Seattle’s Museum of Flight one wall features photos of important people. Beneath each smiling face you see the date of birth and, sometimes, the date of death. I found this wall unsettling, but not because of the reminder that death exists. It’s hardly a surprise to see a date when someone has “shuffled off this earthly coil,” as Hamlet says. The shock is that the living are represented by their birthdate and then a simple dash into, well, blankness. That dash set me thinking.

A hyphen, the shortest punctuation mark in the horizontal-line category, generally links one thing to another. A first-base coach, for example, is the guy standing near first base. The first base-coach, presumably someone who rode a horse to the game, was likely the earliest baseball guy to determine that runners were too dumb to know whether to steal or stay put. He may have stood near either first base or third. (I’m assuming mid-field help, next to second base, has never been allowed.) Here’s a sign with conjoined, hyphenated descriptions:

one-of-a-kind

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


This “build-a-Jewel” bar offers a “one-of-a-kind” and “hands-on” experience.  Hyphens may also appear at the end of a line too short to contain an entire word. In that position, they break the word into two pieces but give a sense of continuation. I wouldn’t mind having my life represented by a hyphen, as I enjoy making connections.

But this is a post about dashes, not hyphens. What copy editors and printers call an em dash is the longest horizontal line. (It’s usually a solid line, but given the limitations of this computer program, I’ll make an em dash out of three consecutive hyphens. What you see depends on the device you’re reading this post on.) An em dash inserts an interrupter into the flow of a sentence: Margot bought ten pounds of cheese — Henry having apparently inherited his food preferences from a rat — and stowed them in her refrigerator. An em dash also indicates a thought that has been broken off, presumably with the possibility of continuing someday: Percival muttered, “I don’t know how she —” and slammed the door.

What I saw in Seattle’s fine museum was a line that was longer than a hyphen but shorter than an em dash, an en dash. (Bowing again to my computer, I’ll use two hyphens as an en dash. As before, I’m not sure what you’ll see.) En dashes show a range, usually from one number (such as a date) to another. They always have a beginning point, but they also always have an endpoint. An en dash is finality writ small; the punctuation mark tells you, beyond a doubt, that what starts must finish: On sale Monday – Thursday! Hurry in before prices double! En dashes close off; they limit possibility. Nothing beats the finality of an en dash, not even a period, which may after all simply divide one sentence from another.

All these nuances of punctuation turn the photos in the Museum of Flight into a statement about life. Left alone, hanging there just after the birthdate, en dashes shout carpe diem, because you’ll be gone. You just don’t know when. Personally, I’d like my birthdate to precede an em dash, trailing possibility like puffs of smoke from an airplane into — well, who knows?  Or, my em dash may be the ultimate interrupter, showing that my little life is an insertion into something much, much bigger. Either way, I’m part of something, even though (in Hamlet’s words again) it’s “the undiscovered Country, from whose bourn / No traveler returns.”

For want of a hyphen, the meaning was lost

Hyphens sometimes seem like relics from the Age of Typewriters, when you had to hit a metal lever to roll the paper to a new line when you reached the right-hand margin, even if you were in the middle of a word. The hyphen told your reader that you weren’t finished yet and that the rest of the word was on the way. (Why do I feel I should explain iceboxes and record players next?) Word-processing programs move the whole word automatically when a margin is about to be breached, so hyphens have lost importance. They’re still around, though, creating compound words. Or at least, that’s what they’re supposed to do. Take a look:

Experienced sales? Sales-help?

Experienced sales? Sales-help?


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I caught sight of this sign while I was walking on First Avenue. I doubled back to figure out what “experienced sales” were. Sales that had seen a lot of life and now had a world-weary, been-there-done-that attitude? Sales that know the lady holding a bagel, venti soy latte, and cell phone is automatically bad news? Or was “sales” meant to be read all by itself as a new, nonsexist term for the older terms “salesman” and “saleslady”? A hyphen between sales and help would link those words and clarify the meaning.

All is not lost on the hyphen front, however. Here’s one that works:

 

One-stop as a single description! Grammarian of the Year Aware to the NYC Information Agency!

One-stop as a single description! Grammarian of the Year Award to the NYC Information Center!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shout-out to the NYC agency that made one description out of two words, one and stop. Shouts (actually yells) to the laundry that mangled this sign:

 

Laundry machine? Machine press?

Laundry machine? Machine press?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What’s a laundry machine? Or a hand press? Yes, I know I’m grumpy grammarian again, because I did eventually figure out that machine press is the opposite of hand press. I’m still not over skirt plested in the top right column, but as soon as it stops raining, I plan to run out to buy two politically correct pajams.

To exit on a high note, here’s a truck with three (count ’em) correct hyphens, which create two compound adjectives:

do-it-yourself

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you’re relocating to New-York (the older form of this city’s name), consider this company. They may ruin your furniture (or you may do that yourself), but you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that the hyphens on the truck are in the proper spots.